Why I Choose to Marry

Don't want no wedding

Much like smoking, just say no!

“I’m never getting married!”

When I was young, this was my battle cry. While other girls my age were painstakingly planning out weddings with fluffy white gowns, ornate flower arrangements, and faceless grooms, I dug in my heels and said “No thanks, not for me.” Marriage was a way to put women in the house and exploit them for their labor. Marriage was a trap, and I was determined not to fall for it.

You see, my mom didn’t exactly sell me on the whole marriage thing. In her two marriages she was expected to fulfill all the household duties: cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids. She could have a job if she wanted, but it was more like an extracurricular: something that she could do, but if she did, she couldn’t neglect her “real” job.

Whenever I asked her about it, she would just shrug and say that that was marriage. It was just the way things were. They way they ought to be.

Well, fuck that! I didn’t want a job; I wanted a career. I wanted to make a difference. That’s what I was here to do, not clean dishes and make babies. This whole marriage thing was a scam. I was okay to have relationships, but the idea of binding myself to a man – to that life – was downright repulsive.

Now I find myself imagining what I’d look like in this dress — just… not in white.

But then I met this guy. This wondrous man, who showed me that relationships are partnerships, and the terms were up to those involved, not some arbitrary set of “traditional” roles. He did not demand that we have children. He understood that my career was an extension of me and that it came first. We would split chores. We would take care of our home together.  We would share a life – equally.

It never even occurred to me that it could be like that. Imagine, living your life with someone who wanted you to be an individual outside of your relationship. Someone who doesn’t demand you sacrifice yourself to the marriage or the home. Living in a “traditional” home, I spent my life fearing I was going to become a housewife. Anthony would rather I be me.

And that was when I realized: I still don’t want a “marriage.” I want a person. I want him. Don’t get me wrong. The legal rights are important for us to exist in our society as a couple, but, with them or without them, I’d still choose to be with him (similar to many others who still cannot marry).

I never dreamed of a white gown. I never even thought to dream of a partner for my life until Anthony.  Marriage is not a paper; it’s not a ceremony; it’s not a party. It’s a person and a relationship, both of which I would be foolish to let slip away.

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9 thoughts on “Why I Choose to Marry

  1. So you met someone you liked and married them.
    That’s so innovative and ground-breaking. I am so impressed by your actions.

    • It’s really unusual to see such a snarky and hatery comment on here, so I am not sure exactly how to respond. There’s really no call to be so mean. If you didn’t like the story, or didn’t get it, there are better ways to express it, particularly when someone is talking about something important to them.

    • And you apparently didn’t actually read the content. We are here to support each other, there is plenty of hate out there. Of course we welcome your participation in the conversation. If there is anything you feel you’d like to share, something maybe you haven’t had a chance to voice, or have been downright mistreated by some mean spirited person who thought that something you put out there was so totally unoriginal and dull it wasn’t worth saying, then you have come to the right place. Because nothing is too unoriginal or dull for us. If it is one lady’s problem it might just be another lady’s problem.

      And I’m sorry, but is there actually something more impressive than finding true love, having the courage to not only tell him but believe in yourself enough to know, that, Yes! He is the one? I think not. But, we are all entitled to our opinions.

      • Put away the daggers ladies. Not sure who Nancy is, but we are ALL entitled to our opinions. Sometimes us ladies get a little tired of hearing about other ladies’ success stories in love. We all think we’re in the perfect relationship, but, truth is, about half of us will realize, at least once, that we didn’t marry the right person at the right time. Nancy could have phrased it a little better(I am also personally getting tired of us ladies’ passive aggressiveness), but the unoriginality of someone falling in love and not wanting to be a housewife may have caught her on a bad day.

        P.S. That aside, I’m sure you’ll be happy in your marriage and your decisions! Congrats!

  2. Pingback: Planning for Success: A Virgin Story | Serving Tea To Friends

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