Anxiously Awaiting The Return Of Schoolgirl Crushes

Though new to the Internets, Tea to Friends is well on its way to cementing its place in the ladyblog world. We all thrive off each other’s insight and gain self awareness by penning articles on things we spend time thinking about but haven’t put into words. Best of all, we’re each other’s advocates without blindly touting the girl power message. Tea to Friends is a pleasant place to be.

And yet it occasionally reminds me of my own shortcomings. The other day, I gobbled up Leigh Moyer’s brilliant piece on the beauty of crushes only to realize how emotionally dead I’ve felt for the past year and a half — with regards to relationships. Moyer does the impossible by describing the awesomeness of liking another person beyond the point of control. When first sucked in, you welcome the wave of vulnerability, as it’s a reminder of the personal investment you’ve made in this person. There’s a lot at stake with such a risk, but you tell yourself that only something incredible could elevate you like that in such a small time frame.

A solid crush keeps your energy level high, inspires you to dress and eat well, allows you to take more risks, and gives you one of the most rewarding experiences of life. If someone else has ever clouded your thoughts in a good way, given you more stomach drops than a rollercoaster at Six Flags Magic Mountain, spiked your heart rate, or caused you to blush to the point where your face actually stings, you’ll appreciate her story. I’d give anything to relive the bliss Moyer is basking in right now.

There’s a fantastic line in underrated rom-com, The Wedding Date that comes to mind every time it dawns on me that I haven’t really liked anyone since 2010: “Every woman has the exact love life she wants.” While I think good old Dermot Mulroney is onto something with this, I need you to know that it takes a lot for me to fall for someone, and when I do, I always find myself stumbling over myself to make things right with the guy who cannot return the sentiment. Though I always come out with just one or two battle scars, it becomes harder and harder to have faith in potential worthy suitors after each new letdown. So I haven’t really had a crush on anyone in a year and a half. Sure I’ve had the chance to spend time with decent looking guys since unsuccessfully pursing Post-College Guy, but none of these “just OK” fellows ever cut it.

During phone conversations and reunions with family members and friends, I’m often asked whether I have any new love interests. I’ve used this stock response for as long as I can remember: “Not right now, there’s no one good enough, but I’m sure I’ll find a gem soon.”

“Yeah, it’ll happen when you least expect it to or stop looking,” the person says.

The thing is, I stopped looking a year ago. I occupy myself with other things — work, bar outings, gym trips, book writing, vacation planning — and before I know it, six months have passed since my last kiss. I haven’t had any romantic trysts since New Years Eve, but given the dry spell I had before Mr. NYE came to the rescue, the January 1 encounter feels like it happened yesterday. I would probably be fine without anything in that department until New Years Eve 2012, but why let my early twenties go to waste? I’m the first to say I’m not the prettiest girl in town, but I’m in the best shape of my life right now and deserve to have someone besides myself know that.

Considering my most recent relationship — which lasted two years — ended in 2007, many have argued that I’ve been picker than necessary the past five years. Maybe that’s true, but it’s because I know the joy of seriously liking someone and believe I’d be nuts to downgrade after that. I’ve been told the kind of love I want — best depicted in “The Notebook” and “Moulin Rouge” — is a mere fantasy and in no way a reflection of the average adult relationship. But I’ve had this kind of crazy connection more than once, so I can’t understand why I’m expected to settle for something unexciting and comfortable in the name of adulthood. Call me demanding, but I don’t want a guy who doesn’t send my heart rate through the roof when he catches me by surprise. I want a crush that I’m eager to gush about with my friends. Better yet, I want a crush I’m so intrigued by that I weave him into almost all my conversations. I want someone who brings out my passionate and energetic side. It’s been too long since I’ve lit up about a boy, and this concerns me.

Of course, I can’t meet this magical individual sitting around blogging. I need to go out more than once a week and hit the bars no matter how tired I am after work, because the more I venture into the jungle of New York, the more people I’ll meet. Will all of them be special enough to make me feel like firecrackers are going off in my belly? No, but there has to be at least one person in this city who can do the trick. I know it.

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5 thoughts on “Anxiously Awaiting The Return Of Schoolgirl Crushes

  1. It’s happening for me here, too. And if one more person says it’ll come when I’m not looking for it, I’m going to lose it. Seriously. I, as well, spent a good 6 months or so sucked into my work and books and movies by myself, and nothing happened then, either. I’ve “given up” on looking so many times I can’t even begin to count. Oh well, que sera sera.

    I feel you on the dry spell and singledom lengths, coming on 4 years for me without a relationship and my last real “date” was 2 years ago now, and the quotes around the word date probably say enough about how the night went. If it helps, since the break up with my ex, I, as well, have only had one girl that I seriously told myself “I would like to date that girl and be in a relationship with her,” the other 3 dates I went on was that “they’re ok, I guess, and they said yes to doing something with me, so, whatever, sure” types. Not fulfilling in the least bit. I honestly (honestly) can’t remember my last kiss. I remember the girl’s face, but it was a drunken moment at a bar and it’s somewhere around 2010 or 2011, maybe New Years 2011. Is that as pathetic as I think it is?

    There’s nothing wrong with sticking to your guns on your standards. I’d like to think, in the long run, that I’d rather be the person who says “I had 3 real loves/relationships in my life” and not “I dated a ton of girls, but only 2 meant anything much.” That way, when we do have that crush and they like us back, it’s going to be even more sweetened and special, as compared to something diluted and thoughts like “just another girlfriend, what is that, 3 this year?” that come with it. Bonne chance avec les recherches, mon amie 🙂

    • Thank you for your thoughtful response, Brett! I feel like you and I basically had the same situation: Long-term relationship for years and then nothing. I disagree that it’s pathetic to go a year without kissing anybody. If you wanted it, you’d go out and get it, but you’re looking for something more. That’s why I spare myself all the charades and silly bar trysts. I don’t mind doing it every once in a while but know it’s not going to make me happy or fulfilled in the long-run. Unlike many people, I’m not sad about being single, but upset that no one interests me. Even if I have small crushes, there’s no spark. I’d rather feel that way all the time and be turned down that date someone who doesn’t really do it for me.

      LOVE this:

      “I’d like to think, in the long run, that I’d rather be the person who says “I had 3 real loves/relationships in my life” and not “I dated a ton of girls, but only 2 meant anything much.”

      So true! Bonne chance, mon ami!

  2. Pingback: After the Crush: “Unexciting and Comfortable” is Pretty Great, Too | Serving Tea To Friends

  3. Pingback: I May Actually Have A Crush Again — But I Choose Not To Act On It | Serving Tea To Friends

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