It is my third date with Ben, a fourth-year pharmacy student. Ben is interesting. Ben is cute. And yet, I’m totally not into him.
He called me on Sunday – just to talk – and I missed thirty epic minutes of The Grammys. I just wanted to watch the show with my roommates. Instead, I was stuck on the phone talking to him. He asked me out for a Valentine’s Day date. I think it’s a little weird – isn’t a big deal to go on a Valentine’s Day date? We’re going to Coldstone, so that’ll be delicious, at least. I told him I couldn’t stay out too long because I have homework…which is true, but I could have skipped it, probably.
I’m wearing a black tank top with an off-pink cardigan and jeans, because I don’t want to seem too into the holiday. I had cake batter ice cream with pound cake and strawberries, and it was delicious. I laughed at all the right places, and then told him about my latest creative writing project. He drove me home in his jeep and kissed me in the car. Then the date was over.
Was that really what I have been missing all these years?
I had one more date with Ben and then I broke it off. For Ben and I, the chemistry just wasn’t there. I knew that after the first date, but wanted to try to give him a chance. I felt like if I broke up with him, it would seem like my standards were too high. Why be single when I could be with someone? Ben was a stable, decent, interesting guy. He was smart and funny. He was a gentleman, but in my mind, we just weren’t compatible.I was not excited to have a Valentine’s Day date. It was my first one ever, but other than that, it wasn’t too special. It was actually kind of awkward.
For Valentine’s Day 2012, I will be single. I am completely okay with that, and you should be too. I have chosen not to be in a relationship right now, and that has made all the difference. Facing my situation with Ben and being completely aware of the fact that I was going to be the one to break it off taught me something: I had power. I have the power to choose whether or not I want to be single.
A lot of people my age think that singleness is a curse or some sort of disease. If you are single at 21, there must be a problem. Lots of people are married with children by now. What’s your deal? I felt like I was a terrible person because I wanted to break it off with Ben. I had a legitimate reason, and yet I spent more time than I should have in the three weeks that we were dating wishing more than anything that he would break if off with me. I just want to be single, I remember thinking. What is wrong with me?
Absolutely nothing. Girls make the choice to be single every day. That’s a good thing! One day, you will make the choice to be in a relationship and it will be awesome.
Being the roommate chilling alone in your apartment Valentine’s Day night is not ideal. But I would rather be unhappy that one night than be in a miserable, no-chemistry relationship again. It’s fun knowing that the next guy you meet could be your one and only. Also, just because you don’t have a date does not mean you are alone. Make Valentine’s Day about love – love for your parents, family and friends. Letting someone know you care in a nonromantic way is a great way to spend the holiday, and you’ll get love back in return.
You might have heard it before: “If you really want a boyfriend, go out and get one.” This Valentine’s Day, remember that you are in control of your singleness, and that is a good thing. You are fabulous and amazing and one day is going to be the right day. The relationship you fall into will be the one you are meant to be in, because you chose it and the guy fell for you, and not the made up- vixen-sexpot version of you. Until then, enjoy being you and enjoy being single. It’s better than you’d think – really.